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Love Column...
Ways to be Extraordinarily Romantic
Whether you are in a relationship or single, below you will find 10 way to make any special day extraordinarily romantic.
By: Rinatta Paries
1. The Perfect Day
Couples: Subtly question your lover about what they picture as the perfect special (birthday, anniversary, etc.) day - then create it for him or her.
Singles: If you had a partner, what would you have them do to create your perfect day? Create it for yourself - love yourself that much.
2. The Perfect Card + One Perfect Rose
Couples: Buy or make a lovely card and then fill it to the brim with words of love, admiration and appreciation. When I say fill it to the brim, I mean leave no white space untouched. Present it with one perfect rose.
Singles: Buy or make a lovely card for yourself, and just as above, fill it to the brim with words you want to hear from your future lover. Seal the envelope, so that you can open it on the special day. Present it to yourself with one perfect rose.
3. Treat what that special day as Lover's Day and not as Woman's Day
Couples: Ladies, I have it on good authority that guys want to be celebrated too. So, get him flowers and candy and cards, too.
Singles: Guys, give yourself that same wonderful special day as a relationship partner would give you. You may feel silly, but you will also feel good.
4. Say Good-bye to Obligation, Say Hello to Open Heart
Couples: Don't give or do anything from obligation on that special day.. Give only from your heart, from love and treasuring your partner.
Singles: Don't beat yourself up for not having a partner yet. You have not failed. You are not bad. Birthday, Valentines, Christmas can be Focus on Love for Yourself day as well as Focus on Love for Another day.
5. The Gift of Undivided Attention
Couples: Give your partner the gift of undivided attention and see if she or he doesn't find that the most romantic thing going.
Singles: Give yourself the gift of your own undivided attention. Take away all of the distractions and be with yourself the way you would want your partner to be with you.
6. Gift of Communication I
Couples: Men, allow your woman to talk about whatever her heart desires, and listen with out fixing at all. Ladies, let your man talk or answer your question with out finishing his sentences for him, interrupting him, or moving on to the next topic. See if this doesn't make sparks fly.
Singles: Either find a person who will listen to you the way you need to be heard, or give yourself space and time to listen to your own thoughts and feelings.
7. Gift of Communication II
Couples: Ladies, give your man the gift of sitting down next to him in silence. No talking allowed. Men, give your lady the gift of talking and sharing from your heart. No closing down, walling of or running away allowed.
Singles: Either silence or open heart, give yourself which ever one you need.
8. A Gift with Interest
Couples: Is your partner into computers, and you don't know a mouse from a monitor? Or is she into gardening, but to you a rose is just a rose? Give your partner the gift of your interest in something that is important to him or her. Go ahead, ask him or her a question about it and see the smile light up his or her face.
Singles: Give yourself the gift of time to pursue your important interest. Take the time to do something that nourishes you and makes you happy.
9. The Trust
Couples: Ladies, give the man in your life the gift of trusting him to know how and when to take care of himself and you. Gentlemen, hold her trust sacred.
Singles: Today trust your process and your fate. Today trust that you too will be loved and cherished.
10. A Shower of Words
Couples: Write your loved one a love letter or poem and read it to them on that special day. Here come the tears.
Singles: Write yourself a love letter or poem, exactly the way you would want it written by a lover. Read it to yourself out loud and have Kleenex ready.
How to Open Up While Staying Safe
By Rinatta Paries
When you've had your heart broken in a relationship, it can be difficult to ever entrust your heart to another person. Similarly, when your partner hurts you, it can be difficult to open up and bring trust back into your relationship.
Yet, you want to love, you want to trust, you want to open up. And so you do. Throwing caution to the wind you open up your heart again, hoping you will not get hurt.
Still you find yourself getting hurt again and again and again.
This is a dilemma many of us face, whether we are single or in a relationship. How do we open up to love and trust another person while staying safe and protected from hurt? The following steps can help you do just that.
1. Assume that any person close to you will eventually hurt you. Have you ever hurt the people you love? Was it intentional, malicious? Were you sorry afterward? Did you have trouble admitting your remorse?
When others hurt you, realize they are just like you. They have likely hurt you unintentionally, and are remorseful and sorry afterward. Thinking of this hurt as a mistake or a mishap will make you feel less pain and help you feel safer.
2. Do not assume that knowing someone well or being in love is going to prevent hurt. Regardless of circumstances, time or promises, step No. 1 still holds true. Getting to know someone well may prevent you from ending up with a partner who will bring nothing but hurt and heartache, but it still won't prevent you from ever getting hurt.
3. When he or she does hurt you, assume that it is not about you. When your partner or potential partner does something that makes your heart ache, think back to a time you inflicted hurt on another. You did not do it intentionally or maliciously. It's just that you were afraid, or angry or insensitive. The same is likely true of your partner, who may also be afraid, or angry or insensitive.
4. Learn to set boundaries. To find out what your boundaries are, ask yourself the following questions: - What don't I want in my relationships and in my life?
- What type of behavior hurts me?
- How would people need to behave in order for me to not feel hurt?
- How would people need to behave in order for me to thrive?
Make a list of your answers. These are your boundaries, the invisible emotional and physical lines that people must respect. Make your boundaries big enough so that you feel very safe. Start to educate people about them, but do this gently.
5. When you've been hurt, learn how to immediately take care of yourself by removing yourself from the situation and soothing your emotions. For example, if your partner raises his or her voice when upset, learn how to say "stop" and "I will not talk about this when you raise your voice at me." Then do something that makes you feel good. It may be taking a long bath, going for a walk, or watching a movie.
Let's take another example. Let's say that you are single and waiting for a call from a potential partner. Let's say that you have been waiting for a call for days. Remove yourself from the situation by ending the wait -- stop waiting for the call. In fact, ignore the phone and let the answering machine pick it up. Now do something that makes you feel better. Treat yourself, nurture, entertain, etc.
6. Take care of yourself first. This may sound selfish, but it is essential. If you're first and foremost mindful of your own needs, your heart will become safe and you will feel free to form or rekindle a relationship. Taking care of yourself can mean anything from ending a fight the minute it begins, to immediately voicing a concern, to making a request to get what you want and need.
7. Learn to communicate effectively and powerfully, yet gently. You want to try and stop the hurtful behavior, but to do so in such a way that the person does not resent you. For example, let's say again that your partner raises his or her voice at you in anger, which you do not like. You may want to stop the behavior by calmly saying something like, "Please do not speak to me with a raised voice. I cannot hear you when you raise your voice and I want to hear you. Can we speak calmly now or should we have this conversation later?"
A second example may be more appropriate for singles. Let's say you are still waiting for that phone call. The person finally calls several days later. If you choose to communicate about this, you might say, "I am glad you called. It has been a while since we last spoke and I was starting to lose interest." There is no attack or accusation, yet everything that needs to be said to make an impact is said with grace and heart.
8. Learn to trust your opinions about yourself, your actions and your attributes as more important than the opinions of others. Sometimes in relationships, hurtful things can be said in the heat of the moment. Believe in yourself and appreciate yourself enough to be able to dismiss the hurtful words, thoughts and opinions.
9. Learn when it's appropriate to forgive and when it's best to end the relationship. Any partner will hurt you occasionally. The question is how much and how often. An occasional hurt or annoyance can be forgiven or dealt with for the benefit of the relationship, as working through the hurt can often make you grow together. On the other hand, if you find yourself being hurt from the onset of the relationship and it never stops, you may want to reconsider your choice of partners.
The best news is that when you can take care of you -- first and always -- you will attract partners who will tend to do much less hurting and much more loving.
Do you want to attract true love or improve your relationship so that it turns into true love? Then you may want to become a love magnet.
You deserve to be loved! I will show you how to attract true love by looking and growing within yourself.
Although you're seeking love from another person, you will be more likely to get the love and attention you deserve by first growing within.
Here are the six steps you need to take to help you grow in just the right way. The steps will groom you to attract and engender love.
- Figure out your relationship patterns.
If you are not attracting the right partners or not getting enough love in your relationship, it's probably not the first time in your life. If that's the case, then it's likely you have relationship patterns that are preventing you from attracting the right partner or preventing you from behaving in a way that causes love. Get to know your relationship pattern and your love life will improve.
- Let go of your past.
Most people collect unpleasantness without realizing it. Every time something unpleasant happens to you, it goes into a huge sack of other unpleasantness weighing heavily on your back. You can't move forward in life -- and especially in relationships -- with this baggage. You can't move forward emotionally any better than if you had a real sack weighing 100 pounds on your back. Even if you don't feel the weight most of the time, you will feel it in relationships. It feels like excessive anger, excessive need to control others, fear, and anxiety. Want to drop this weight? Learn to let go of the unpleasantness in your life and in your past.
- Delve into your needs.
Everyone has needs -- that's a part of human nature. In fact, our needs create relationships. The giver and the receiver both feel better and more connected when each other's needs are voiced and met. Yet most of us are uncomfortable asking others to meet our needs. At the same time, we enter relationships to get our needs met. See the paradox? Figure out your needs, and then figure out which ones need to be met by your partner and which ones need to be met by other people. Get them met!
- Draw your boundaries.
Boundaries are there to protect you and to help you honor your needs and wants. You know you have boundaries when you can choose to say yes or no to something, someone, or a situation. You know you have boundaries when you can stop a situation that is hurting you. You know you have boundaries when you know your needs and ask others to respect them. Having boundaries makes you discerning, gives you self-respect, and inspires others to both respect you and treat you well. This is valuable skill to learn.
- Know what you want.
Know what you want in a partner and in a relationship. Be careful that what you want is not a fantasy, unrealistic standards of perfection, or a set of low expectations. Look at the relationships you value most and model your love
relationship after those. Keep out people who are not a match, invite in those who are. Stop doing behaviors that sabotage what you want in your relationship and instead take action to create what you want.
- Get connected.
Build a community. Get people into your life to meet your
needs, to support you, to nourish you. Many people want to simply find "the one" or hope they have found "the one," and then proceed to isolate themselves. What a stress on a relationship! Can you put all of your needs, wants, desires, and interests on one person? Do you think all of your needs will somehow be met by your Prince or Princess Charming? We all need community. We have too many needs for one person to meet them all. Get connected, and stay connected.
(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship,
or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to
attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice
and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!
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